A Stunner

Well. In mid-May I received terrible financial news. I learned that Mother's investments were set up in such a way that the economic downturn hit her quite hard. I learned that the "backup plan" one of her advisers had created was ... for my husband to write any manner of check necessary to sustain her standard of living if, when?, she runs out of money.

Now my husband is an amazing person, who supports me in every way and would "do the right thing," as the adviser said. But no one should EXPECT that from someone else's husband. Someone unrelated to the sick person being discussed. But I still have to pinch myself when I think of the scenario that unfolded in the glass-walled offices of this successful firm. I sat across from a trusted adviser, who for years had reassured me as to Mother's financial situation. "She has plenty of money," he'd always say, hunching his shoulders and spreading his hands wide, which might sound charmingly Italian if he weren't totally vanilla. "Don't worry about a thing."

So I didn't. I'd check in every few months, ask how things were going. "She did great in the stock market last year. I sold some things, now, so she'll have to pay a pretty sizeable tax bill this year." "Really? Does she have enough cash to cover that?" "Don't worry, she made a killing on a bank merger." "OH! Well, that's great." "Yes, yes it is."

It did not occur to me to wonder why an over-65 year-old divorced church-working woman who'd suffered 5 years already with early-onset Alzheimer's Disease should be invested in stocks. No, it did not.

And in the financial adviser's defense, he probably invested in all the same things, too.

So in May, realizing Mother's drug trial is not making her better, that she's getting worse and worse, I sit the adviser down for a come-to-Jesus meeting. I needed answers, dammit. Facts. I needed to know what we could actually count on. "Plenty of money" wasn't going to cut it, any more.

"I'm worried about Mother's financial situation. You've always mentioned 'she has plenty of money' and 'don't worry, everything will work out just fine.' So now it's crunch time and I need to know what you mean. What is the backup plan if her money runs out? I understand the nursing home has a 'life care' fund that might cover her expenses when she runs out of money?"

"Well, the life care fund will cover a portion, if the nursing home feels the family is contributing...what it should."

"My sisters and I don't have a lot of money ourselves and paying thousands a month for a nursing home and medications...well, that might be more than our take-home pay altogether!"

"You married a generous person."

"What do you mean?"

"Your husband is the kind of man who always does the right thing."

"What are you talking about?"

"Your husband will take care of what he needs to take care of."

"What does he have to do with anything? What does he need to take care of?"

"He'll take care of the family. He always does the right thing."

"Wait, let me get this right: Are you saying that you think that my husband will write a check for my mother? That if she runs out of money and if my sisters and I can't pay that he will cover the difference?"

"He has a great income and will be able to help pay for your mother."

"My husband is wonderful. And generous. But, how can you assume we don't have a mountain of other debts? From those 16 years of higher education we have between us? Plus our house? And I don't work? That we're not worried about paying our mortgage and for our kids' college tuition?"

"He has plenty of money."

"But, you never know what will happen so we try to be prudent."

"Don't worry, everything will work out just fine."